Completely overwhelmed by demands from two jobs, I am reminded that I had better tend to my tendency to solve everything with more action because it eventually just leaves me out of go-go juice.
I started my day with gratitudes and even they were much harder than they were a few days ago ... Gratitudes?!? Well, of course I'm grateful for tons of things, but they are not what is foremost in my mind right now.
On the plane coming back from meeting my new client, I read Geneen Roth's "Women Food and God". One of her most valuable points, I thought, was that if you take anything about yourself to its logical and extreme conclusion, you will learn everything about yourself.
Every impulse, habit, behavior, longing, or belief that any one of us has is a microcosm of that person's entire relationship to her life, to any kind of higher power, to the world.
My impulse, when uncomfortable is to Act! Act! Act! (The discomfort is also highly correlatable to times when the phone is not ringing, nothing's happening, and action seems particularly futile.)
I flail around with that for a while. I wonder if the extent of the futility of my taking action when I'm in this mode has actually increased over the years.
And then I surrender, like we do here in Tucson when it's 110 degrees. And I see that my point of effectiveness lies only in my attitude and choices.
I mean, what would a millionaire(ss) do? And the answer that comes to mind is she would probably take the day off and get her nails done because someone important enough to have a million dollars does not sit around feeling bad about herself because she cannot manage to work more than 60 hours a week when her kids are home.
If what I want to feel real right now is that I am a millionaire, then I have to take that thought or belief out to its logical conclusion.
And that conclusion is ... there is enough. I have enough. There is enough to go around. Everything I need comes to me. There is enough. I am enough.